Why Stepparenting Can Be Harder Than Parenting | HuffPost Life
Explore Angela Perolio's board "Step Parent Quotes" on Pinterest. | See more ideas See more. The best thing that you can do for a kid is let them love and be . Step-parenting and being a step-sibling presents a lot of exciting opportunities. When families break up and re-form, there may be less order, less certainty, and . The relationship between stepparent and stepchild will take years to develop and forcing it may There may already be so many negative emotions around having a stepparent, that one wrong move Blended Family Quotes.
It's exhausting to be so unsure of oneself. And walking on eggshells for an extended period of time will wear out even the strongest of spirits. The child wants to be parented by their parent, not their stepparent. Children are craving time and attention from their parent.
They don't see their stepparents as authority figures, meaning the child doesn't see them as someone they have to listen to. If they feel resentment that they even have this extra person in their life, listening to and respecting them as an important person in their life isn't at the top of their to-do list.
And even if the relationship is decent between them, it can still feel an intrusion when a stepparent tries to intervene. Children naturally want to please their parents, not so with stepparents.
Children don't look for the approval of their stepparent the way they do their parent. There's not a natural sense of wanting to be accepted by them. Don't get me wrong, we all want to be liked, but what I'm referring to is happening on a much deeper level. In fact, sometimes they want to make things as difficult as possible for them, hoping on some level that maybe they'll just leave and the child can have their parent all to themselves again.
A parent has unconditional love for their child, whereas a stepchild can feel like a foreign entity to a stepparent. People love to judge a stepmom who doesn't automatically fall in love with her stepchild. But the reality is these are basically two strangers who didn't choose each other, now finding themselves part of the same family. Since it can take years for a stepfamily to feel and function like a family, so those first years are an adjustment, to say the least, for everyone.
46 best Step Parent Quotes images on Pinterest | Parenting quotes, Mom quotes and Momma quotes
A child doesn't automatically think of their stepparent as a parent - or of any importance to them at all. That bond will take years to develop. And sometimes it just doesn't happen. There might be an unhappy ex in the mix, discouraging the kids from having a relationship with the stepparent. When a parent places a child in a loyalty bind, the child thinks "If I like my stepparent or have fun with her, it will hurt my mom.
Research shows that the more a child actually likes their stepparent, the worse he may act towards her. The guilt he feels may be too overwhelming, as he thinks he's betraying his other parent. If you want to be your wife's hero, listen to her when she says she's having hard time trying to parent your child or when she's asking you to do more of the heavy lifting, that is rightfully yours.
Step Parent Sayings and Step Parent Quotes | Wise Old Sayings
It's not because she "doesn't like" your child, it's not because she doesn't care for you. It's simply because this is the nature of stepfamily dynamics and sometimes it's just impossible for her to be what you expect. Visit Jenna at StepmomHelp. At that crucial first meeting, it's hard to remember that both you and the children are strangers. Caught up in this intimate love triangle, the delicate and gradual process of getting to know them is distorted.
As the new kid on the block, you're in a hurry to be accepted, to be liked, to be welcomed into a group that is their family - not yours.
Why Stepparenting Can Be Harder Than Parenting
Self-conscious about being the outsider, you long to know how, if at all, you can fit in. I was 29 when my boyfriend introduced me to his two little girls, aged six and two. Lucy, the elder one, was curious about me but passionate about her dad. We circled each other while the two-year old watched, squinting at me suspiciously.
Bravely, they began by really trying to like me, but that quickly became impossible. Most of the time, the girls ignored me with studious concentration.
But there were also endless scenes - tantrums thrown left, right and centre by both them and me. The girls would stand in my path whenever I approached their dad, and yelp at our friendly overtures. They're just kids, I told myself, when they refused to eat the macaroni cheese I had cooked. The slow burn of resentment took hold.
I couldn't help weighing up just how much I did for my stepdaughters and just how little I received in the way of appreciation. It was a frightening descent into a world of jealousy, with each person desperate to guard their territory. For this is the reality of the newly formed step-family. There is no shared ground, just a sharp division between two factions: The step-parent and stepchildren stare at each other across the no-man's land of their non-existent relationship.
Being disliked does not bring out the best in any of us. The scorn of youngsters who have such an undeniable and eternal place in the heart of their parent is unbearable.
Which is why every step-parent needs to build a mental life-raft to keep their self-esteem afloat. The harsh truth is that step-families, more than any other group, are at risk of collapse. The rate of disintegration runs at 60 per cent for partnerships involving children from previous unions, which is considerably higher than both first marriages and remarriages that do not involve stepchildren.
In June, the charity Parentline Plus published a report identifying the higher levels of anger, depression and stress that occur within a step-family. Yet there are many step-families that work well as coherent, supportive and loving units. I know a number of women who are great stepmothers. And this raised the thorny question of how exactly I could turn myself into an asset to my stepdaughters, instead of a crippling blow.
A couple of years down the road, I had become pretty fed up with being paranoid and making the same mistakes over and over again. I was desperate to make headway, but so nervous, too.
Bedtime was a trauma. Did they want me to read them a story? Would they let me plant a goodnight kiss on their cheeks, or would they push me away? Although blame did not lie at my door alone, if anyone was going to take responsibility, it had to be me.
Even if it didn't feel like it most of the time, I was meant to be the grown-up. So began a quest to turn around my situation. It was like gutting a house. As I stripped out all the rotten woodwork, instead of cursing that I was loathed by my stepdaughters, I had to start over.LIFE AS A STEP MUM - STEP PARENTING ADVICE & TIPS
This time, the foundations would be stronger for us all. As with all building projects, progress was very slow. The bad vibes continued to radiate in my direction, but as project-manager, I was better equipped to cope. Unbeknown to my stepdaughters, work was going on behind the scenes.
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