In her new book, Amy Chua argues that Chinese kids achieve more because traditional Chinese parenting--and Chinese culture--that don't have anything to. The Concept of Guan in the Chinese Parent-Child Relationship in Chinese families, but its impact on parent-child relationships is somewhat ambivalent. . of parenting and child socialization in China vis-à-vis Western countries such as the. Even on our best days, when our children are happy, well-fed, somehow Sandia, a New York City mom raised by Chinese parents, says the.
And the emotional strife had lifted. But Chua got the results. And, Chua notes, the point is this: To be allowed to choose for themselves, or to be pushed into achievements that will pay off later in life? A more indulgent approach might seem more caring.Western Couples vs Chinese Couples
But, as Chua argues, her parenting style shows a concern for the long-term welfare of her kids. As Chua recounts in her book, one of her daughters rebelled, and Chua had to reassess her views. I'm aware now of the limitations of that model -- that it doesn't incorporate enough choice, that it doesn't account for kids' individual personalities What does the research say?
The 7 Distinct Merits And Extremes Of Asian Vs Western Parenting And How To Balance Them
Are the parenting tactics she describes truly effective? And if these tactics work, do they work at a cost to the kids? This is distinguished from authoritative parenting, which also emphasizes high standards, but is accompanied by high levels of parental warmth and a commitment to reason with children.
These links have been documented for Western kids raised in North America. They have also been documented for Chinese kids living in Beijing and Taiwan. But there are some exceptions. Studies Hong Kong Chinese Leung et al and of Chinese immigrants to North America Chao have linked authoritarian parenting with higher school achievement.
But strict Chinese parents enjoy a sense of closeness with their kids. This, says Chao, is why some studies have failed to show a link between poor outcomes and authoritarian parenting among Chinese immigrants.
Unlike children in Western authoritarian families--children who feel alienated by their parents--the Chinese-American kids feel connected Chao ; Chao Traditional Chinese parenting has one clear advantage over contemporary Western parenting: Chinese parents--like many other Asian parents--are more likely to emphasize effort over innate talent. And other research suggests that Westerners are more likely to assume that a child fails because he lacks innate ability Stevenson and Lee Chinese-American kids tend to have peer groups that support achievement.
When these kids perform well at school, they get rejected by their peers. Chinese-Americans are less likely to face this choice between scholastic success and social success. And what about creativity? Like everyone else, they have their strengths and weaknesses. And these are shaped by training. So there is no magic here. Just the payoffs for hard work. Is the controversy justified? People want to know if authoritarian parenting can sometimes be a good thing.
I'm inclined to say not. Image via hazelin-ngan Western parents are more liberal, being softer on their kids when things go wrong, giving their children more of a say and considering their feelings more thoroughly. While this has the benefit of actively creating something of a sanctuary, it can also lead to a child becoming more prone to making mistakes since their parents will always pick up the consequences anyway.
Often, playing the blame game is of no point, especially when your kid really needs your support and wisdom. Convention VS Individuality Being a kid to Asian parents makes you realise pretty early on that you have to fit into a certain mould in public. All these, however, are important practices that are intended to foster an innate respect for elders and authority as well as encourage closeness between family members.
Image via lovelydisney Western parents, on the other hand, encourage individuality and self-expression. Being outspoken is encouraged, and there is less psychological distance created by the age gap between children and adults as a result.
Traditional Chinese parenting: What research says about successful Chinese kids
This may, however, lead to a lack of respect for parental figures and a risk that a child may overly emphasise their right of self-expression at the cost of being considerate to the feelings of others.
Allowing your children the freedom to grow into themselves is in fact very crucial. A great emphasis is placed on the mastery of mathematics and the sciences, and woe be on any child that ventures too far beyond the road more taken.
It's not that they can't accept unconventional choices at all, but that they want security for their children and worry when they can't see the certainty of a secure life from these choices.
While unconventional choices aren't bad, it's important that they are also pragmatic and realistic ones. In making these choices, parents need to encourage their children to pursue self-discovery so they can discover their talents and passions, especially as they come of age.
Respect for authority VS Sticking it to the man Asian parents generally have an autocratically-inclined way of raising their children, and questioning authority at any time is seen as being disrespectful. Part of this is owed to the fact that our culture is very focused on the respect of authority figures, especially where they may perceive themselves as being indirectly responsible for our actions. Image via gurl While respecting authority is still a priority, some Western parents try to take a different approach by establishing a friendship with their children.
- The 7 Distinct Merits And Extremes Of Asian Vs Western Parenting And How To Balance Them
More often than not this can backfire and lead to a lack of proper respect, depending on the individual child. While establishing a relationship with your child so that you can relate to each other effectively is important, a preservation of authority should be maintained without being domineering - be a parent first and a friend second, to put it simply.
As cutting as they may be, however, parents are still looking out for our best interests.
These incidences are just about the epitome of tough love. Image via tigermomsays Western parents, on the other hand, are ever conscious of how their words may affect their children, which is why they may sugarcoat by saying something along the lines of You did well, honey, but… When reprimanding, they focus on disapproval and how the child has made them feel ie.
Traditional Chinese parenting:
The main reason for this polar treatment is, according to Amy Chua, that Asian parents assume strength and not fragility in their children. They assume their kids are strong enough to take such comments and improve as a result. Constructive, not destructive, criticism can go a long way. We are expected to make them proud and to care for them as they have for us.