Smoke and mirrors relationship

How Narcissists Get Away With It | PairedLife

smoke and mirrors relationship

The man uses his smartphone mirror app to check his reflection; his Narcissism is often linked with short-term relationships, as opposed to. PairedLife»; Relationship Problems»; Narcissism and Personality up if they don't use a lot of smoke and mirrors to deflect attention away from. In my new series THE RED FILES launching tomorrow on my YouTube channel, I talk about what Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is.

Beware of a new acquaintance who tries to play upon your sympathies. This is a common thread she's noticed among sociopaths. But, in this case, it means the narcissist is set on sizing up his or her target. If the predator is a woman, this usually involves getting to know you better by establishing a fake friendship.

She'll pretend to share a lot of intimate secrets with you. Actually, some of what she's telling you make make you a little uncomfortable, because it seems as if she's revealing too much too soon. She knows not to say anything you could ever use as leverage against her. She's way too clever for that. However, most of us are socialized to reciprocate in our speech. If someone says something, we'll usually respond. A malignant narcissist will bait you to respond.

She share some of her secrets, hoping you share yours. This is a tactic that often works because she'll also ask you pointed questions, and stare at you while waiting for an answer.

To counter the awkwardness this creates, you just might spill your guts. Sociopaths do seem to be able to maintain sustained eye contact longer than the rest of the population. Some people have referred to this as the "predatory stare. They are extremely clever and seem to have superhuman ability to "read" other people, and to assess various social situations.

smoke and mirrors relationship

They tend to zero in on people's weaknesses, and then adjust accordingly. A target's weaknesses will be used against her.

Think You're in a Relationship with a Narcissist? - The Good Men Project

If the narcissist wishes to draw people to their cause, they'll work hard to fulfill their most pressing needs. Say, for instance, someone has an unhealthy desire to fit in and be accepted. The narcissist will make this person her right hand gal. Another coworker may be juggling a work schedule with caring for an aging parent. In order to win their loyalty, the narcissist will offer to stay with your parent on Saturday afternoon, so you can go grocery shopping.

She'll also bring you a nice, home-cooked meal every Wednesday night.

It Isn’t Love – It Is Narcissistic Abuse

Recruiting their Flying Monkeys By manipulating everyone else in the office, the narcissist now has a loyal team of supporters. They've all been fed lies about the target, who is now showing signs of emotional fragility. She looks glum and she seems a little angry. This fits perfectly with the bully's assessment of her of being emotionally "unstable. That means they can each do little tasks meant to wear down the victim.

These are assigned by the narcissist either directly or by "hinting. The constant emotional roller coaster causes confusion and allows the narcissist to control you and lower your self-esteem.

The fantasy was so very good. You were sold a bill of goods, but because of the intuitive gifts of most narcissists, it was exactly the right bill of goods. The power of your initial belief that this person is your perfect match cannot be underestimated.

smoke and mirrors relationship

So you still think… maybe…. You grieve what never was. Everyone grieves at a loss.

smoke and mirrors relationship

But the grief over the end of a narcissistic relationship is profound in another way. You are coming to grips with the fact that what you thought was a serious relationship with a future was nothing but smoke and mirrors. You are grieving for what you never had. Not by lies and infidelity, though those are often a part of the package, but because who you thought you loved does not exist.

The shock and disbelief can be so deep that you stay in denial for a long time. In severe instances, the emotional abuse has left you feeling so devalued, so marginalized, so insignificant in the eyes of your lover that you no longer feel worthy. You get no closure. In the eyes of a narcissist, you are the only one who is to blame. I had no choice. If you have already gotten yourself out of a relationship with a narcissist, good for you.

Now, how do you move forward? How do you heal? Because you are vulnerable to seeking validation from your narcissistic ex. You still want answers. You still want closure. Despite the fact that you know, intellectually, that none will be forthcoming, you are very susceptible to this person. Remember how you got involved in the first place?

Do not crack the door open or the cycle will repeat itself… with more pain and abuse. Act as if this person never existed. The person you miss today was nothing but smoke and mirrors. Hold on to that and keep the door bolted shut. If children are involved, get a third party mediator if you possibly can.

Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone, not even themselves. Their inflated ego is not real: Accept that you fell in love with an illusion. Do not blame yourself because you did not recognize the master manipulator. To what you never had.

You have lost not so much a relationship as your version of reality—the relationship you wanted and hoped you had found. The horror of facing that it never existed is very real. I have great empathy for how hard that is. Say goodbye to that illusion, and let yourself grieve.