Ex girlfriend wants to meet upwhat does she want!?!? - The Student Room
But once I got back on that A in RDU headed to MSP to come back . I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 2 months ago and she wants to keep. When your ex wants to meet up, you should ideally follow this process - 1. What do you do when an ex wants you to meet up and you think he wants to get back What does it means when your ex girlfriends wants to meet you after few. Ever since a couple of months after, she has wanted to meet up. An ex often looks a lot less attractive when you look back at her with a more inquiring eye. 0.
If there was nothing wrong with me, why are you wanting to break up?
If An Ex Girlfriend Wants To “Catch Up” What Does It Mean?
Her reasons were she didn't want to waste my time, that she felt that I was falling faster for her than she was for me so the relationship felt uneven. She felt that she needed to fall for me as deeply and quickly as I was falling for her. She also felt it was too perfect, we never fought, there were no arguments and I think that was due to our completely open communication; we would discuss things that bothered us and shared our innermost thoughts as best we could.
She also felt that I was just filling a void in her life, the loneliness, emptiness, and longing for someone to always be there. She felt I was only filling that void and it was wrong to stay with me, for me she also filled the emptiness I had felt. She even said she felt so selfish and terrible for hurting me as this was all about her and did not consider me when she was figuring out what to do.
She said she may regret this decision in the future, but does not know if she will or what she will do if she does regret it. She said she would leave friendship up to me, I told her I would contact her if I wanted to be friends, but if I did not, then that is goodbye.
I reached out to a close friend and let it all out a day later when we met, it felt so great to let it out like I have never done so in the past; I could not think straight at that point. She gave me a woman's point of view on the situation and my friend said she completely understood what my ex was feeling.
She said that my ex was scared and not sure if her feelings would deepen like mine were so she didn't want to waste my time trying to figure it out or see if it changes. When I look back now I think she did not know what she wanted, was not prepared to open her heart completely like I did, and was not prepared for a more mature relationship like I was.
For me love is not just a feeling, I have always felt that the feeling needed to be there, but it was also a choice to love someone and part of that choice was a commitment to that person and the relationship.
So when things hit such a high so quickly and we fell, there was nothing to catch us and save the relationship. About a week after the breakup, I started reconnecting with people I had put aside while dating her my female friendscatching up and having a great time with my other friends.
I felt so alive again and more confident than ever as I took a step back to look at things, reevaluated what I sought in a person, and tried to understand what love truly meant to me.
Don't get me wrong, I had quite a few bad days, days where I was so heart broken that I wanted to reach out and tell my ex how hurt I was and how so many little things reminded me of her; I resisted and have not said a thing to her since.
I don't think things have ever been this painful compared to other people I have dated as I don't think I have opened my heart like this to anyone so deeply and sincerely; even with someone I spent more than a year with before. There has been no contact since that night, she also has no idea how or what I am doing as I don't update facebook and have no mutual friends. A month has passed since that day and for some reason, out of the blue, she texts me to see if I was busy and wanted to go for coffee or something else; ironically?
I said I was busy and she has asked me again for another day, which is why I am here. It felt like someone stabbed me in the heart again, a part of me wants to meet her, a part of me doesn't. I felt I have started to move on, but since that text it feels like I have taken a step back and I wonder what she wants, if she regrets breaking up, if she wants to reconcile and try things again, or she just wants to see how I am. While we dated she has never directly asked me out like that. We often made plans for the future when we were spending time together, so this is also quite unlike her.
I still do not know if I could see her as a just a friend. I put that thought aside since she suggested it but have thought about it hard again these past few days.
If An Ex Girlfriend Wants To (Catch Up) What Does That Mean?
But believe me when I say there are other women out there who are just as special and delightful. Don't mope around waiting for her.
I am a guy, and I do try to stay friend with most of my exes. Typically it begins with a few months of limited contact, followed by a few months of confusion and hardship, but in the end, sometimes when either of us ends up with someone else, it becomes clear that we have moved on and our friendship becomes rewarding.
I am not used to cutting off contact altogether. In a way, it makes no sense to me.
If I've met someone with whom I have a great connection, eventually the lowest common denominator takes over and the relationship can be healthy.
Of course, in some cases, both people are in a in-between state which makes a clear-cut friendship difficult. This means that more time off is required. I just want to reiterate that attributing any kind of ill intent on her part is misguided. She thought you enjoyed her enough as a person to want to be friends with her even if she wasn't offering you a physical relationship. She is disappointed to find out that she was wrong.
Obviously the only person who would know for sure is her, but from the story told I would agree with this. But like nadawi says, who knows? You can't see inside her head, so you can only go off of her actions. Based on the story told, I think she is at least somewhat confused, and both of you are sending mixed messages and not communicating well. That said, though, it sounds like what she is saying is pretty consistent "I want to be friends only"even if her actions eg the flirty dinner, coming over to your place after might blur that a bit; I think it would be smartest to go by what she is saying and stop any movements towards a relationship unless you are getting really unmistakably clear signals from her.
Pushing for clarity is usually a lot less helpful than just waiting and seeing how things fall out.
Honestly, it can be super hard to read the signals from an ex, because even when things are incontrovertibly over and done, there is some underlying level of physical ease that you can so easily fall into, you know exactly how to read their flirting and sexual signals, etc. I mean, with an ordinary female friend, I know exactly where the boundaries are we touch like this, not that, say ; with an ex those boundaries are a lot more uncertain and amorphous. Its not impossible that one day you'll have her back.
But as long as you're wishing and willing and anticipating that day, you're torturing yourself and preventing yourself from moving on and probably also not making yourself terribly attractive. If it will happen, it will happen on its own schedule, not yours. It will not be a return to your old relationship, or a continuation of it. Rather, it will be a new relationship which will have to start in a new way, from step 1. And, judging from your story, IMO its not very likely.
In the meantime, you have to start detaching yourself, for everyone's health and sanity. What's helped me, though it was by no means pleasant, was to imagine yourself through her eyes. Think of a girl you know, someone of whom you're very fond, someone for whom you want only the best, but for whom you do not have a shred of romantic feelings. Now imagine this girl was hopelessly in love with you.
You're not interested in her, but you're a bit concerned, you feel a bit of pity, you're also thinking about how to preserve your friendship with this girl, and maybe - just maybe, if you were drunk or desperate or lonely or whatever you would take advantage of this girl's feelings and sleep with her, and then hate yourself for it. Now replace this girl in your imaginary scenario with yourself.
This is how your ex sees you. When you start to think "but maybe I've been in two major longterm relationships that ended, and I count both of those ex's as close friends. It took a year of near-zero contact before weird awkward contact was possible.
Then another year for things to normalize. But it was totally worth it to not lose either of these women from my life. And by get over her, I mean accept that a relationship with her isn't going to happen.
She said to you, directly, that she doesn't want a relationship. The sooner you accept that, the better it will be for you.
The best thing for you to do right now is leave her alone. You'll never get over her if you keep longing for her, which will only be compounded by you contacting her. Spend the time you're not contacting her by licking your wounds and getting out into the world.
Make some new friends, pick up a new hobby, whatever works to take your mind off this. What you did was a pretty human thing to do. But it's also not a good idea. Only contact this girl when you can stop giving her mixed messages. Don't cut someone out of your life and then invite them back in again 3 days later.
She wants you on the backburner, or she just wants the fact that you want her in order to make herself feel good, or possibly she even wants to be friends. She didn't, doesn't, and won't want a relationship. Look, if she ever does, she knows where to find you. Allowing yourself to be jerked around by her isn't good for your mental health, and on top of that, it won't help you with her.
Stop talking with her. You told her you have enough friends. She knows where you're at. It was too soon; you both fell into your old flirty habits. You knew what you wanted -- to get back together -- and you made a move. It was not what she wanted.
You clarified that hanging out non-romantically was too hard for you common, honorable. You created distance for yourself. That was all done well. Some might wonder, if you'd gone slower, would it have worked? My guess is that this would just have wasted time.
Some might wonder, would it have been better to ask what she wanted rather than go for what you wanted? Nah, it likely would've lead to the same answer, or to a lot of time-wasting mixed messages. You knew what you wanted and asked for it. Generally a good thing. That quickly got you your answer, that she didn't want the same thing. On the bright side, you saved yourself from having to linger in limbo-land or trying to interpret confusing signals from her.
But it wasn't a bad idea to ask, nor was it bad to be honest that you can't be friends now. Oh God, not this shit. The OP is not objectifying her for not wanting to be friends.
I would actually say the ex is emotionally objectifying the OP if she wants him or her to go through that. In response to your other question, "did you fuck up," I strongly agree with salvia that you actually played this well. Waiting to make a move wasn't going to help you. If there was a chance she felt the same way, kissing her then wasn't too soon, and it was going to get a good result. It just turns out that they don't happen to match up in any functional way.
So, in no way did you screw up, but in no way are you going to be together anytime soon. Take care of yourself, even if that means cutting off contact. Let future-you fend for himself.
Whether you and she remain friends or not, people have a funny way of turning up again later if they are meant to. A relationship isn't something you can just Go date someone who actually is interested in being in a relationship with you.
God-DAMN, is this woman ever running a game! I'm sure you can find a gamier woman within miles, but you'll have to look awfully hard. She's got to have great legs. You've done everything right in the face of this mass of confusion. Don't call her again. Don't take her calls. No text, email, nothing, nada. Don't follow her moves on FB or whatever. When you run into her, look at her, dead in the eye, then walk on. She'll know then that you've busted her, that you know she's running these rackets, and maybe she'll quit running her games a bit faster than she otherwise might -- no-one likes to get seen for who they are when they're being a jerk, I know that people have helped me lots by calling me on my games, helped me be a better person.
Sorry you had to learn her lesson. You did real well. You sound like a real citizen. She probably really did miss you and really did want to see you again, and maybe felt ambivalent about anything beyond that. But, when it started to get physical, she realized she really didn't want to get into all that again with you.
You should probably consider the relationship officially over and not hold onto hope she'll come back around except as a potential friend. If you really feel like you have enough friends and don't want her in your life unless she's your girlfriend, don't bother talking to her anymore. You might as well tell her that politely to avoid any possible confusion about what you might be feeling, though she might've gotten the hint when you unfriended her.